Down but Not Out

I wrote this approximately three weeks ago.

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I, like many, have hit bottom, a few times. When things hit, it’s like a domino effect. In the past, I would freak out and swear it’s the worst thing ever, throw my hands up, and hide in my bed or at a mall (which ever was closer).

I have had a week that was a good time to hide. On Tuesday, my full time gig hit us with a stop work order while the contract we are on is reviewed. I’m not sweating , this job thing will work out. I was prepared to use the time to establish my jewelry business. Unfortunately, things planned, things changed in an instant. Wednesday, woke up with a massive migraine, which in itself made me want to dig my own brain out. It subsides enough so I can support a friend whose mother was dying. That evening I wind up in urgent care, where I have a fever and some kind of bacterial infection (which I’ve learned is doc speech is, “We don’t really know but you’ve got something!”), along with the migraine. I get home, take my meds, settle in, and then decided to add to the list and begin to vomit my guts out. Thursday, I’m nauseous, have a headache, am light headed and feel miserable.  Although feeling better than Tuesday and Wednesday. Friday, I got out of the house for some air, went for a walk, and felt like my old self.

Ink inside out-mercia cummings-Wellness-Down but Not Out-October-2014Okay, now that I’ve shared all that, what’s my point? Well, when your knocked on your a@#, you get time to think. You think about things that need to get done, bills that need paying, plans for the next few days. Then your body, reminds you it won’t be happening at that moment. I was forced to sit still, and let my daughter and hubby take care of me. I had to remind myself this will pass like other things in life. I had to control my thinking from focusing on being sick, and all the things I couldn’t do, and focus on what could get done. What could get done was allowing my mind, body, and spirit to rest and heal. Focusing my thoughts on getting better and hoping I wouldn’t be sick the next day.

Current day!!

I did get a little better and then took a drive, which I finally relented and went to the hospital. I hate hospitals, but my body told me, “time to go.” After getting out I broke out in hives, which swelled and left me in pain, which was a reaction from pain medication (how ironic).

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From this experience, I was reminded how important it was to listen to my body. When we need rest- we should rest, when we need help-get help, in need of nourishment then by all al means get it. It is our responsibility to take proper care of ourselves up or down, good times or bad times.

I also had time to reflect on myself and the direction of my life. I have realized with a few other health issues I was not listening to my own soul. I was isolating and not allowing the healing energy I know, and the beautiful people around me to lift my spirit. When we have time to sit down, to truly think about what we want, what direction to go; it is also important to find appreciation where one is in life. I truly realized how much love surrounds me, as the flowers, text, calls, and visits came. I heard from many, I had not expected to hear from, but also did not hear from many I thought I would. I don’t charge the heart, our minds and lives just take us in different directions. I also realized  much I need to be present for others. I was surprised how many didn’t know how to handle my being so sick, since I give the pep talks, try to help others.

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I am back at work! Still recuperating, but so much better than I was. I am making it a point to reach out to my loved ones, appreciating the work that I do, spend time meeting new people, and getting back to enjoying life!

Thank you,

Mercia Cummings

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