I’m gonna let you in on a little secret here…..I HATE the dentist! It seems most people “dislike” the dentist or really don’t care to go, but I….HATE the dentist! Now, it’s not the doctor himself that I have that feeling towards, it’s the smell, the chairs, the tools, the feeling in your mouth when they are looking for a treasure map.
Let me give you the reason for my feelings. When I was young, my mother would take me to the dentist and I still remember it like it was yesterday. How the chair was set up, the way the room looked, and how they stood around me to hold me down. Did I say hold me down? YUP! They would not use any topical cream or butter me up for a shot, it was grab that skinny cheek, pull out the 1845 stainless steel dispenser of death (syringe) and launch the two-foot needle into my mouth. Sometimes the Novocain would not set in and I would feel them working on my mouth. I would try to squirm, but being held down makes it hard.
Fast forward through my adult hood and on occasion I would visit the military dentist and carried this same feeling. The dental hygienist can also take some of the blame during the cleaning process, as some just don’t have that tender touch. So I have those pain driven flash backs like a Vietnam vet who was truly, “in tha shit”! You’ve heard of that guy who wakes up in the middle of the night swinging, sweating, and screaming!
So today I had to go in to get two small cavities filled. Yes, cavities! What, am I like 16 again? My thoughts exactly! So I explain to the assistant my concerns and she said I was going to be just fine, I was in good hands. She laid me back, turned on the TV for me, yes…..a TV in each room; put on the coolest of glasses, and put on my bib. I was wondering when the lobster and crab legs were coming!
I closed my eyes, clinched my hands, and prayed it would be over soon. As they drilled, polished, squirted, and vacuumed, I laid there listening to it all. While I was laying there I began to formulate a plan. It would be fun to execute this plan in the coming minutes.
They got done and sat me up. I immediately said, “Sorry about not brining in the football.” The dentist looked at me and said, “What?”. I repeated myself and he said not to worry it was nothing. Then I told him, “But it wont be ok, the butterfly march is Tuesday!” He looked at me very confused, then looked at the dental assistant with tilted head. He said, “Uhm, yeah, I think you told me about that.” I told him we had to go, he had promised. He said he thought he could make it but wasn’t sure. I said, “NO, you have to go you said we could and you promised. It’s at 2:00 a.m.!” Then he said he probably couldn’t make it. The whole time he is so confused, the dental assistant is looking at him and me like what the heck is going on. I looked at them and said, “Just kidding!” We all cracked up……….then I drooled on my bib!
As I left and sat in the car for sometime not feeling the left side of my face I though I would call my sweetie. Needless to say, she was dying laughing when she heard and saw me talk. I could not say my “P’s”, so “parrot” was “furrat”, and trying to blow a kiss, forget about it! To prove it here is a little video!
I say, keep them teeth clean, flossed, and rinsed to prevent that out of cycle visit to the dentist. I hope you have a great visit next time and enjoy your dentist.
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