I have to admit that I used to hate to say SORRY. I know, as a therapist it is important to seek forgiveness and accept responsibility for one’s own actions. However, as Mercia, wasn’t feeling it so much. I am willing and able to say sorry, but man it has been a struggle to say I’m sorry. It’s like admitting I was wrong was ego crushing. Yet, I have worked on it and made improvements in this area. Still, I know that I am not the only one with this struggle!!
I have made some major improvements with those closest to me. However, recently, I was faced with a challenge. I had someone who would not allow me to say I am sorry. That drove me bonkers. I was insistent that I be able to talk about what I did and apologize, but they wanted no parts to do with it.
“Leave things as they are” is what they said. Thus, things seemed okay for a couple of days, but I still felt like we needed to discuss it. Therefore, I pushed to talk about it, to come to an understanding; something so there was a peaceful resolution or understanding. I just felt it was important to do so. Then it finally hit me after a week that I was making the issue all about me, and not considering how the other person was feeling. I have told folks, people do not have to accept your apology, and here I was faced with this position. I shared that I would stop trying and that if they really wanted to talk, they would have.
Then that backfired. I was pretty much told to get a life and so on. I was shocked, because I shared that I had to stop making it all about me and understand that they did not have to talk about the issue if they did not want to. So then the old me was like, “this is why I hate saying sorry.”
Really, it had nothing to do with my sorry, and my sorry didn’t really have anything to do with apologizing. It had become a matter of being heard, my feelings being recognized and not taking a step back to look at the other person’s feelings about the issue. We were both involved and effected.
I let it go and didn’t let my anger respond to their outburst, in fact, I just said ‘have a good day.’ In that time I worked on my anger, focused on things I had slacked on, and let the negative emotions go about the situation. I found that peace I was looking for, and provided them the space that, we both needed. I went silent until they were ready to talk. Once I shared how they made me feel with their comment; apologies were exchanged.
Would I have preferred to say sorry, yes, but at the same time I realized I have to determine what my apology is really for. If it is ego driven, like this one was in the beginning; then it is not good. If it is to avoid dealing with the issue, than that is not good either. But if it is heartfelt, with a dash of growth, and much hope; that is the apology that counts the most.
The lesson here, is when it is time to apologize, to part your lips for those infamous or lovely word “SORRY”, and make sure you know what the inspiration is for. Sorry has to be genuine, not about just you or the person but for both parties. Biggest lesson, folks don’t have to accept it, hear it or like it. However if you know that your apology came from a good place, then there is nothing more you can do. You’ve done a good deed!!
I now have a new found respect for SORRY! I am happy for this lesson and in a matter of a couple of weeks, I have grown so much.
I hope this helps others who are challenged with that word, SORRY!! Let me know how you have grown in your own apologies, or learned from receiving them.
Have a wonderful day loves!!