Have you heard never make someone a priority that makes you an option? I have preached this, as a therapist, friend, mother, wife. But I have realized I have not been living by this truth. But often, we focus on others and avoid ourselves, purposely or accidentally. We can put a lot of energy into others, and when we need the same in return; some of those people are nowhere to be found.
I have had opportunities, situations, moments that have made me realize that there are people in my own circle that make me an option. This has gone from only calling/texting when they’re in crisis, but I hear nothing when life is good. Making plans, especially when they are down, then they are good and I am solo, a lot! I have some who literally only contact me when it’s convenient but I make time and space for them no matter what. Lastly, from hearing nothing at all until in some kind of need/want appears in their lives.
Now I won’t dare to say I’m a perfect friend but if you need me, I’m there, I have my friends back. I’m going to do my best for you. My only request is that you do the same for me. I just ask that folks drop things when I’m in crisis, like I would for them. Text to say hi, I was thinking of you, or call to check in. The funniest is making plans, and then not calling, but when I ask about it after; acting like its nothing.
Wow, after typing that I realize that for some, this may be asking too much. (Back on Subject now!)
I am big for accepting folks where they are in their own lives. However, I struggle with this with those I deem closes to me. I truly believe they will do for me as I do for them. I keep hoping they will change, but they don’t and why should they. They have a good friend, listener, rescuer, cheerleader on speed dial. These option folks, know that they can call, text, and email me for what they need. What has happened is that they know that they are a priority, but I have allowed them to make me an option.
For some I have discussed it and they owned it and others put the blame back on me. There are a few I’ve decided to just let go of. You have to decide what works best for you, how to handle the situation. For instance, who is open to discuss your concerns or want to pretend and make it all go away? I believe in resolving issues when possible, but that doesn’t mean everyone else is in the same boat with me. So when making this decisions, know your audience. I also recognize not everyone wants to talk, or change. That’s when you decide where they fit in your life; distantly, not at all, or remain the same.
Instead of putting so much energy into the folks who do disappearing-reappearing acts in life; it’s time to truly appreciate the many people who stay there through it all. I’ve got a few good folks in my life, and it’s time to focus there.
I mean these are some strong folks who can deal with my overanalyzing, hyper, silly, sometimes moody ways!!! But those same people will tell you that I have their backs!
You see the first step in working on is making myself a priority to me. I mean, don’t get me wrong; I take care of myself. I love me a lot, but I need to make sure I don’t just go internal but external to those I am surrounded with. It’s important to make sure in all relationships that one feels happy, supported, and present. I know the next step is putting my attention on those who truly count, whether if I’ve known them for a minute or for decades (cause time does not dictate true friendship).
It’s great to take care of others, but make sure that you are taking care of yourself in all of this. Make sure those around you are supporting you, present for good and bad things, and most of all true to who you are.
Until next time,